I took a look at Our Daily Bread today and was reminded of my own conversion story. Sauls was as dramatic as I can imagine, and there are many many dramatic conversion stories through out the ages. No matter however how, dramatic or even “normal” our conversion was, the result is the same. We were once lost, but now are found, blind but now can see, we are saved!
So with no further a do, I will share with you a breif version of my conversion story. When I was 15 on a tuesday in April of a year in the 90s, I was quite happily walloping down my moms home made food when I had a call from the curate at church asking if I would mind popping along and assisting some speaker with the projector during his talk! Yes my parents were both Christians for as long as I could remember, and I had been attending church for the same period of time… as long as I could remember!
During the talk that evening, I was bored as usual, not really paying much attention, however when the speaker mentioned a “half way house”, my ears pricked up. I can only describe it when you are in a crowded room and not listening to anyone but then you hear your name and you immediately look up!
I was in my “half way house”, as I was going through the motions of being a Christian, going to church, helping out, singing songs and yet I hadnt made a decision for Christ. I cant remember what was going through my head, but I do remember completely breaking down at the front of church after the service, and the speaker praying with me to accept Jesus into my life. I remember I felt like I was floating when I walked home and despite the fact I had not told my parents, my mom still wrote, “Lee met Jesus tonight” in her diary as it was so blatantly obvious!
Things went well, the Lord blessed me with faith enough to be a witness at school, and got me through some very tough times of teasing. However over time as I grew older, peer pressure slowly wore me down and by the time I was 16, I was on a path of self destruction.
I spent many years living “under my own steam”. I basically was a rebellious child all over again. I stopped going to church, my worship music collection gathered dust, my Bibles found their way to the attic in storage, and I lived life as a lost person for many years.
It was after the birth of my second daughter when I started to feel the conviction of my sin too over bearing, and that I had to go to Church and start a journey of re-discovery of my relationship with the Lord. I went first to a local church, however really just went through the motions. I was struggling with a bondage to sin, and a heart desire to change. I continued to struggle with that for some time also after I made my decision for Christ again just a year ago now approx.
I began a hunt for a church that I could meet God in, and eventually chanced upon a new church plant that was meeting in a school. I started going now and again whilst visiting other churches and still trying to “get right with God”, and at first I thought that that church probably wasnt for me, however for some reason I still kept going!
One evening I was watching a Christian film called The Perfect Stranger where a woman is let down by her husband at a restaurant, when a stranger appears and has a meal with her claiming to be Jesus. The film went through what he knew about her, and what he did for her, and it was moving. She didnt believe him however right up until suddenly the holes in his hands became obvious. That night I broke down and wept, asking Jesus back into my life, to change my heart, to release me from strongholds in my life and to save me.
It wasnt a dramatic change over night, I was so entrenched in sin, that I struggled for months, torn between the desire to grow stronger in my faith and in my relationship with my Father God, and on the opposite end the temptation of sin and straying. I had spend 8 – 9 years living under my own strength, and I realised, only months ago that despite the fact my heart had understood and wanted the Lord, my head was still trying to live my life and be in control. I was not letting God take the stearing wheel of my life and I was still insistant upon driving which was why I was failing.
Its been a few months now where I finally let go of the steering wheel and let God drive. Admittedly there have been times where I have “side seat” driven, trying to tell God where I should be going, and other times where I have grabbed the steering wheel back for a few seconds, only realising that I have forgotten the art of driving, and that it is only God who can steer my life in the right direction.
Thank you Lord for your saving grace. Despite the fact I rebelled for many years, and even despite the fact I as a human can still mess up now and again, you are a loving, forgiving God. You were there even in my darkest hours, simply waiting for me to turn back to you. Waiting for the prodical to return. I pray that anyone reading this who can either see themselves in this testimony, or know they have a need for something, will check out my “Believe” page, and or seek a local church to learn more about a relationship with you Father. In Jesus name, Amen.
